as i am nearing the end of my undergraduate degree, hey, im gonna graduate next october!!! ive been thinking alot about the future and also success. i think that one of the keys to a bright future is to balance personal success with generosity.
i read some work by max weber the other day that struck me as odd. he wrote about how capitalism came about through the religion of protestantism. the prostestants' believed that any man who was successful was so because God had smiled down upon him.
with his wealth however came a responsibility not to spend that wealth on himself, but to give it away. buying luxeries for oneself was not what God had intended when bestowing wealth upon someone. so the wealthy decided to take the money earned and give some away to others, and take the rest and invest it back into their company. this was the roots of capitalism. so capitalism was built not upon greed, but generosity. This is far from what we know capitalism to be today.
i think much can be taken from this. while i don't agree that wealth should not be spent on the person who makes it, i do think that we should balance what we spend on ourselves, and what we give to others. i think it is ok to buy yourself the things you like to make you happy. in my case, im getting a new PC this christmas for myself. people work hard for their money, and deserve the luxuries it brings. but they should also do their part in helping others, because they have been blessed with everything given to them. each of us has the responsibility to do what we can to help others. so why then are there so many people who dont?
perhaps it is because there are so many people in this world that need help from others that we get overwhelmed, and don't know where to start. however, sitting back and doing nothing only adds to the problem. i think the key is to not let it overwhelm you. as some tv host would always say, "do what you can do"
in that spirit, i decided to do something which i think fits perfectly in the holiday season. im allotting an amount for our church's future site.
I learned a little lesson from a ballpen while riding a jeep.
No, I didn’t get enlightened by my notes, I don’t keep one, or of some doodles from a fellow passenger on the way to school.
I was on a jeep en route to school one Thursday afternoon. As the jeep sped along Talisay going to Bacolod, I realized that I would be reaching La Salle in more or less 20 minutes. So I decided to check my belongings: cellphone, ID, etc…
But just when I thought I put the ID back to my pocket, the pen dropped to the floor.
This is where the fun begins.
First it rolled towards the feet of the man seated in front of me. Tried reaching for it without disturbing the other passenger but inasmuch as my arm was long and skinny, the pen kept rolling away from my reach. Obviously the fact that the jeep was moving didn’t make my life any easier.
I squatted and stretched but to no avail.
Chest heaving from the exertion and getting increasingly irritated, I finally got the guts to inform the conductor in front of me of my dilemma. He bent over and tried to locate the item but alas, the thing rolled further towards the seats nearing the front of the bus.
I crashed back into my seat groaning inwardly at the absurdity of it all. Frustration welling up inside me, I started to think that heck, it’s just a P20 ballpen, give it up. Sure, it may be my only piece of pen but then I could buy myself another one if I wanted to. Why all the fuss? Forget it. Don’t let your day be spoiled on the account of a singular thing.
Breathing deeply, I was clearing my mind and convincing myself that giving up that friggin’ Pilot ballpen for lost was the right thing to do. Even tried to think of when I’d be able to replace the thing.
Then practicality (that thing costs almost 20 bucks. 20 bucks could buy me an instant coffee and 4 sticks of Marlboro Lights), sentimentality (Hey, I’ve been using this for more than a month now!), and I don’t know what else hit me. You could still look for it you know—if you really wanted to. If you think it’s worth anything to you, you’d try to find it. Dear God. An attack of conscience over a ballpen..
So there I was again, dunking my head, peering under seats. Thank God for this sleppy Thursday afternoon commuting—not too many passengers were onboard. Ignoring the funny looks borne out of my seat switching, I made my way to the seats on the second row shy of the frontseat of the Cebro jeep. I figured that since the ballpen was heading in that direction, I might as well overtake it and intercept it.
I looked beneath the seat to see the feet of a couple seated a few rows back, a few candy wrappers here, some cigarette butts there and more floor space. What I could no longer see was a small, black pen.
It was gone.
Straightening up, I sank back into my seat and sighed. The loss of the object finally dawned upon me, and regret started to seep into my consciousness. Perhaps if I didn’t give up too soon, I might’ve stood a chance in finding it. Even the thought of buying a new one didn’t make me feel any better. I don’t have enough time for that because I’m late for a major subject class.
We were now on the highway along Robinson’s Place and fast approaching North Drive. Breathing deeply, I cleared my mind and convinced myself that there was nothing else I can do. It was worth the effort but it was too late. It may have been a singular material thing but it served me well and it will be missed.
The vehicle came to a stop at San Agustin and a few people got off. My stop was next. As I prepared my things, the couple seated a few seats behind me moved to alight the vehicle as well. I watched them go past me and out the stairs. Then a thought struck me. In a burst of inspiration I got up and quickly walked towards the back of the bus till I got to the seat the couple recently vacated. Then I looked down.
There on the floor of the bus was my pen.
Sometimes in frustration, we can walk away from something good—not realizing how much it really means to us. We take some things for granted, thinking that we won’t miss them if we lose them, thinking that they’re replaceable. Dispensable.
But then we do lose them and realize how wrong we were.
I could’ve let that thing go if I wanted to. In fact I already decided to do so… to simply get down from the bus and not look back.
But then I realized that I couldn’t just give up without a proverbial fight and so I put up one last search.
It happens that sometimes when we’re on the verge of losing something, we make a final effort to save or salvage whatever we can. Of course, we could either succeed or fail in doing so.
At times, we can’t help but wonder if our success relies on how hard we work at it or whether or not fate, destiny, or if God would deem it so.
All I know is, I’d rather give it one last shot. To fight for it and hopefully win or die trying… rather than just let it go, knowing full well that I could’ve done something.
Who’d have thought I’d learn so much from an encounter with an inanimate object?
Life can be the weirdest but funniest teacher sometimes.
Last Friday...I never did actually go to bed.
Instead I lay down and slept a couple of times, sleeping more than enough, just not in that I-went-to-bed-and-got-a-good-night's-sleep kind of way. I'm not sure why, really, I did that. Sometimes I just like to time travel, prolonging or skipping a day or the like. I dont know what happened after the Cafe Bobs incident.
Saturday...I had a couple of weird dreams. In one, I met Karl Roy, kapatid's vocalist, btw, their upcoming second album will be out soon, its called 'Luha'.. second assault on your sonic senses.., so continue to the dream, we were back stage, they have this concert kuno at la salle covered court..,and there we were, making small talk and i asked him if he have some kapatid shirts for sale with him, he just sort of smirked towards me and handed me a bunch of buddha beads and proceeded to remove the buddha beads from his arms ( those beads were given to him by cynthia alexander).. and moments later, went back to the stage to continue their gig and left me dumbfounded.
In another dream I was in high school again and totally berated a teacher of mine for some reason I can't recall now. Also the class was being held in my back yard. It was a teacher I really didn't get along with all that well in real life, but man, I'm not sure why my dreams want me to be yelling at her now!
Other than this, between last night and today I've managed to procure some DVD... the notebook, cinderella story and i am sam.. had watched the first two movies when they were shown at robs. just watched it for 'reminiscing sake'. and the i am sam is one cool movie.... made me cry....on to next..
I mean, continue! Because I've already started. It's all attitude.
Apart from this, I don't guess there's anything much to report. I very much need to go find some food, now, its 11:09 pm, and I'm hoping the second part (which on the audio CD is actually the first part) of the norah jones album that ive sent to my boss finishes uploading soon; not because it's a bother, but so I'll know that it's really gone through successfully.
I miss someone a lot. I'm not going to say more, and I'm going to try to refrain from saying this much most days. That won't make it less true, but I know that I do need to try not to be...er, effusive about expressing it too much here. And so try I shall: I'm going to resolve not to say it in tomorrow's entry here.
All in all, lots of good thoughts and not one bad one; and yes, I say that in all candor. Well, I do feel I went a little overboard castigating my former teacher in that one dream... But in all fairness to me, she was kind of a bitch.
...Well. Maybe "regret" is, um, a strong word.
(Crazy island place and its unnatural condiments! Plus everyone knows florets aren't noodles. Seriously, wth?!)
Ok ok ok, gonna eat now. Then...bed? Man, my sleep is so messed up right now...and so is my life! better check out my status at friendster if you know what i mean..
Hey! The upload just finished as this entry did. Howsaboutthat?
and you could do so much stuff that you can't do when your with people who'll nag you about it. kinda bummed that i can't find a something to download. ive been waiting for incubus' alive at red rocks on azureus since this afternoon to finish its downloading. its 1.36GB, and 8 hours left to 100%.
the reason is that im currently into may 'new' thing right now, the solitude part, stupid, is that she went to manila for her vacation and ive got this cool webdev job and im working at home! its four hours a day and its more than enough to pay bills. -- which is a good thing because going to bacolod is like a 'much-anticipated' event. lol. which reminds me i have to go there tomorrow for the required caffeine overload session with friends.
oh please comment. hehe at least ive got to know there's some bloke whose actually reading my blog.
Maybe I'm technically challenged but I don't understand what that means...is it just that the DVDs won't play? Or am I doing something wrong? I tried googling the message which came up with suggestions on how to fix it....that I pretty much didn't understand besides the word FORMAT which kinda freaked me out... VLC supposed to be the most advanced player -- any format could be played through this player.
I wonder how long all of this will last. Maybe one day the Internet [or blogger.com and google.com's clustered servers in particular] will just crash and everything will be lost. All these entries will be deleted. Or maybe one day I'll just stop updating...and this will be forgotten like the millions of deserted sites/blogs out there. I wonder how many of those deserted blogs were just forgotten...and how many of those, the writers have actually died. I know this is getting morbid but it's really making me wonder. I mean - how long has blogging been around? Of those deserted blogs floating around in space....how many are the last thoughts of the person?
3:00 am -- went to a friend's kiosk near the talisay plaza. booooooooze! dala ang dinuguan na sumsuman ah.. part c jang2x man to hu? hahaha jan michael coronica - guitar prodigy, bebong morales (c wesley ka ya gyapon ah!) - slayeeeeer!, randy conman -- puga ga tukar kamo ya gyapon ya no?? kag nag intra kamo ya sa battle!! next week pa balaring ta!!
remember this?? http://www.geocities.com/barkadashit
ting2x: manila na
hapon: ari d gyapon. ara kami sa balay nila
toi: manila na man
jay-r: ara sa sugar valley
ako: lasal gyapon
jang2x: ga tukar gyapon
maxcel: ato sa cebu
went on a drinking spree last night with friends at bodega [warehouse kuno kung sa mga feeling classy kag pa sosyal na naga kadto to..] and later, to draft. playing was jasper and his band, called barbie na doll. they play purely OPM covers and sometimes craftily interjects it with parts from foriegn songs.. mayonnaise's jopay then mixed with simple plan's perfect then bob marley's stir it up and then back to jopay. the band's funny without being corny. barbie almabis was also there too, i dont know what's she's doing here at bacolod.. "barbie with barbie na doll"..hahaha she played only one song: 'the dance' -- which is what ronnie and i requested. got home around three. feeling psyched to continue the work again.
SELECT * FROM transactions_temp
INNER JOIN users
ON transactions_temp.userid = users.userid
INNER JOIN locations
ON transactions_temp.locationid = locations.locationid
INNER JOIN services
ON transactions_temp.serviceid = services.serviceid
INNER JOIN packages
ON transactions_temp.send_packageid = packages.packageid
INNER JOIN rates
ON transactions_temp.send_packageid = rates.packageid
ORDER BY trans_tempid DESC LIMIT 1
when i had created the database schema, i had two identical tables, transactions and transactions_temp, whom i added without thinking., days later i was wondering why i inserted all the shipment data into transactions_temp and not to the transactions window? why did i create two identical tables? i guess by now its all clear because, ill be using ONLY the transactions_temp table for the shipment, all the data will be passed there temporarily, and after the user clicks 'DONE', all the data will be duplicated into the transactions table, and the row in the temporary table will be deleted. it has something to do with that sql query. because when i typed directly the url, ...user_home.php?print_label, it shows the query result of the last entry in the temp table. that disaster could be solved by copying the row from transactions_temp table into the transactions table. it would show up as null. first its a workaround, second it would be more secure. only at the last part of the shipping module, the transactions table would be used, as opposed to transactions_temp.. and the latter gets cleaned up after every successful display of the package label.
having coffee at this early morning. will be going downstairs for a smoke. (mom's here with me)
used gd instead of fpdf. with regards to some issues regarding the printing, solved it using css, no need for links from the page for printer friendly pages. so it printed. the package label, complete with barcodes. its just waiting for the package in which to be stuck into. next problem: have to update the costing that the package will be needing a thermal printer since its the best printer for printing documents with barcodes.
problem: home-based users dont have a thermal printer, to think most of them dont have a laser printer or something costly printer. me included.
solution: users, have to make the label online, if they have a thermal printer, they can have it printed into a laser paper, but if they dont have, they can have it printed into their nearest jrs store when they get to send their package. problem solved? i dont know. maybe.
Running barefoot, it doesn't matter, nobody can see you. Cry, only to find out it won't matter, either, the rain will drown your tears anyway. Release your pain in one solid cry and it won't matter still, the wind will only eat up your screams. Run barefoot and it won't matter at all – your soul is on its knees.
Run for cover and light a cigarette – now that's refuge. You can rest for a few minutes before you start running alone again.
But I have been here all these times.
This shouldn't have been your life, if only you allowed me to hold you one last time.
To each one a name, each one a possibility, another chance, but you cannot see that, never. For I have been always a few steps behind, following, dying with you every step of the way. If only you'd look back.
I'm back to catching raindrops again. To each one a name, but your name I can't seem to find. How could I? You are just a name, a face, a single drop among all others, and the possibility divides infinitely in every direction, every second.
I run barefoot, but it doesn't matter, for nobody can see me. I cry only to find out I cry alone, and it won't matter if the sky will cry with me; it can only cry this much, never enough to comfort me. I shout in pain and it won't matter even, because I can't hear myself as the wind carries away my voice almost instantly. And the cold it brings I can't even feel, for I am colder inside. I run alone, because there is no reason to stay in one place. It is raining.
But... have you been there all these times?
This shouldn't have been my life, chasing raindrops forever, if only you tried to hold on to me tighter, even for that one last time...
Chasing raindrops, to each a name, a chance, so elusive I can never find it. I can never see you. I am as blind as my heart, and being blind I can only face forward, forever forward, no sense looking back. Have you always been a few steps behind, following? I cannot know it, never. If only you'd reach for me and call my name.
a shaded eye but you uncovered my view.
a drowning soul and you put me back to shore.
a scathed being healing in your hands.
weakened but gaining strength in you.
hey, i used to like hoobastank too. back in the days of crawling in the dark and running away. haha. these days i’d rather listen to hendrix, pinikpikan, or kapatid. and i prefer kapatid over bamboo, though they have the same guitarist and bassist: ira cruz and nathan azarcon. and their songs make me so sad, since i remember chico, the other guitarist, who just passed away.
this is for the band who made me believe in our own music again.
and to chico, the guy who made good music with the band.
kapatid's the prayer
if i ever see you face to face again
i’d ask you why, so soon
and in your grand debut from death, reborn again
for life i pray
i hate to see you haunting
or in your private hell
i hope you make it
this prayer’s for you
this prayer’s for you.
oh wax and wicker, that burn throughout the night
the light you shine, makes me smile
you are the candle, that turns the darkness back
i hate to see you haunting
or in your private hell
i hope you make it
this prayer's for you
this prayer's for you.
i dont understand how people can talk on the phone for hours. one of my close guy friends bragged that he once spoke to this hot chick for thirteen hours straight. and i was like, 'yuga mo eh... what do you talk about? your life from pre-school to college?' i can comprehend one hour of teasing someone, maybe three hours of fighting with your girlfriend or soon to be ex, but thirteen hours on the bloody telephone? this girl musta been talking about sex every hour on the hour. that's the only possible scenario I can imagine.
marvel ink-drawn chicks are hot. an ongoing question thats been bugging me for the last 2 hours is… am i the only one who gets turned on by looking at emma frost and rouge? i feel a little guilty about this sometimes but what can i do, hormones are hormones.
i thought pretending not to feel anything is the safest defense mode in the world.
i was wrong. i feel shit inside.