read on! spent 2 hours writing this one!

After night swimming with friends, spent the most of last night with a pile of DVDs and the computer.

Insert. Play. Skip. Eject.

Basically repeated this for about 10 DVDs...I know - that's nothing compared to what most people have but it WAS a tiresome effort at the most. I was checking through my entire DVD collection to see which ones I could play on the computer (using VLC) and I found out that all the "copies" could play...whilst all the "reals" COULDN'T......grr....annoying but thankfully I have very few "reals" besides my-much-loved-boxsets. Hmph! I get this message:

TheTV Out port of your display card is not working properly.

Maybe I'm technically challenged but I don't understand what that means...is it just that the DVDs won't play? Or am I doing something wrong? I tried googling the message which came up with suggestions on how to fix it....that I pretty much didn't understand besides the word FORMAT which kinda freaked me out... VLC supposed to be the most advanced player -- any format could be played through this player.

Besides that I'm pretty happy...So I installed PowerDVD... and I finally downloaded a DVD ripper so I can start ripping clips off the movies I have...starting to develop and interest in vidding. And I worked out that there's a Capture function on PowerDVD (ha...I'm slow) so I'll soon be screencapturing like crazy from now on.

I'm starting to feel really restless at home. I haven't opened up Photoshop since my IME graphics project was due back in early September (except that certain thesis design for a friend). It's been like a WHOLE MONTH...hopefully I haven't forgotten how to 'wield' the application over this time. But I guess I just don't feel like conjuring up graphics much these days....time consuming and feeling unchallenged/uninterested. And I guess there's also that certain fear whenever I draw...that my graphics will turn out looking like complete crap - which is discouraging. So I'm dealing by avoiding it right now. Plus photoshop and vidding has taken up a lot of my time recently....but I PROMISE I'll do some wallpapers soon. Absolutely! Just gotta find SOMETHING to draw first...

Can't wait til the end of the year - this TIME, my issues will hopefully be eliminated. I have a list of things I will do after the 2005 when I'll hopefully finally have the time for:
- Draw a ton of portraits (fanart and people I know)....maybe a self portrait one day.
- Learn to play the guitar again...so those 5 years of lessons will not go to waste.
- Still have a job. Ill be starting a graphics job from biko technologies tomorrow. 4hours/day.
- Dedicate more time to my much neglected sites...in need of major revampage.
- Download more DivX movies.
- Get a sport.

I've been blogging for about 3 months now. On and Off.

I'm starting to wonder - do people actually read over the old entries of their journals/blogs? Or is the purpose of the journal just to write down your thoughts - to vent...not really to store memories or anything? Do I read over old entries? No...not purposely - sometimes I'll go back to look for something and I'll start reading because something catches my eye. But other than that - the past is pretty much the past for me. Maybe one day when I'm old and nostalgic - I'll actually read over everything I've read....

I never thought having a journal (even an online public one) would be so theraputic. It's surprising - how much of a relief just writing stuff down can be...helps me think about things and laugh about others. Things that are upsetting or sad that I write about - I can just type away for an hour or so....and then DELETE it. Then it's "gone" in a certain sense. Exorcism!
Does having it public make me hold back? Yes. Usually I can vague it up quite a bit and talk about it in a universal sense. I have to say my entries are usually upbeat and happy. There's a few entries which are stressed and VERY few where I am just downright depressed. I have to say though - sometimes writing about sad things just makes you sadder! It's not like they say - that when you talk to others about your problems, you'll feel better. That's not true in all situations...sometimes things are better left buried away in your subconscious - because it's when you start writing/talking about it that you start to THINK about it - start to OVERANALYZE everything about it...which basically makes you even more sad/worried than you were before.

In that case all I can say is: Let's dig a hole, bury it deep back inside and just MOVE ON.

I wonder how long all of this will last. Maybe one day the Internet [or blogger.com and google.com's clustered servers in particular] will just crash and everything will be lost. All these entries will be deleted. Or maybe one day I'll just stop updating...and this will be forgotten like the millions of deserted sites/blogs out there. I wonder how many of those deserted blogs were just forgotten...and how many of those, the writers have actually died. I know this is getting morbid but it's really making me wonder. I mean - how long has blogging been around? Of those deserted blogs floating around in space....how many are the last thoughts of the person?
It's like finding someone's journal where they're writing about the greatest thing and then suddenly you turn the page and there's NOTHING.

What happened? Why did they stop writing? These are the things which claw away at our curiousity. And will anyone ever know? If the story ended RIGHT here, RIGHT now....would you wonder? Would you care? Or would this just be another forgotten, deserted part of the world? You'll just ASSUME I lost interest in blogging...that I gave up and went onto something else, new and shiny.

I don't care.

I need some closure. If this ever dies - trust me, I'll TELL you. I'll write in size 72 font: THIS BLOG IS CLOSED. There will be no vague hiatus or BRBs that last over two years. It will be a farewell that pretty much says - thanks for the times but I'm leaving and so should you.
Of couse, in the event of an unexpected death - I give permission for someone to hack into my account and just write one closing post: THIS BLOGGER IS DEAD. FAREWELL. Then this blog can rest in peace.

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