not graduating? nah... its okey..

"patience is the ability to bear affliction, delay, any interruption with calmness, perseverance and confidence in the goodness of God. It is inward peace as well as outward control. It is the submission of our schedules, our viewpoints, our dreams to the greater plan of God, with the conviction that He has a very good reason for every delay He allows to come our way."

im okey with me not being able to graduate this october, after listening through backtothebible's broadcast on being patient, i have found the ultimate peace of mind. now tomorrow, i have the courage to tell mom about me to finally finish my degree on march, instead of october this year. and gel couldnt be more right when she replied to me, after telling her about my evaluation result, that its's God's will that i wont be graduating on october. and of course, being delayed by one sem means that we'll have an extra semester to spend more time together.. but that's another story.

Lessons from a not-so-ideal graduate

I am the last person who should be talking about graduation. I didn’t even attend my own.

I saw graduation as a hurdle to get over, an obstacle I had to overcome so I could finally start working full-time for this paper. When that fateful day came, I wore a toga all right, but only to my dinner party. And it was the wrong shade of blue—the shop at Recto had run out of my college’s colors.

Despite my absence from the ceremonies, graduating from the university taught me a few things—some big, some small and some, well, forgettable.

You will miss school. Sure, you’re still in the middle of rejoicing over the fact that you no longer have to face your nasty professor and you’re probably thanking the high heavens because the days of surprise quizzes are over. But when you’re neck-deep in paperwork and are collecting overtime hours as if you can sell them on eBay for a fortune, you will definitely start missing those days when your biggest problem was today’s graded recitation. You know those annoying adults who tell you things like, “Oh I wish I could go back to school” or “I’d rather be a student forever”? Pretty soon, that will become you.

Take a break. You have your entire life to work. And once you start working, you’ll be doing it forever. Or at least until you’re 65. You’ve just spent at least sixteen years of your life in school. Now is the time to take a break. Whether your idea of a timeout is a weekend in Boracay, a month at your grandparents’ place in the province or a full week in your pajamas eating Cheetos and watching DVDs, do it. You deserve it.

Don’t let your course dictate your life. Your parents won the first battle—you hate math but they made you study accounting. You don’t know how you ended taking up dentistry when you can’t imagine staring into people’s mouths for the rest of your life. Here’s a little nugget of wisdom: Your course doesn’t dictate who or what you will become. A friend who took up geodetic engineering is now making a good living in publishing. I know a biology graduate who is now running her own business, a nurse who became a priest, a lawyer who decided to open a restaurant. You future is waiting—and you get to decide what it will be.

The school you graduated from does not determine the quality of your future. There are still small-minded companies that only accept applicants from the supposed top universities but don’t let that stop you. Just because you came from one of the more popular schools doesn’t mean you can rest easy. And it doesn’t matter either if you came from a school that no one else has heard about. It is you, and not your diploma, that will make your future.

Pursue your passion. Life is too short for you to be stuck doing things you really don’t want to be doing. Sure, blessed and few are the people who get to do what they love for a living but you might just turn out to be one of them. You would never know if you don’t try. Whether it’s art, music, sports, writing, food—pursue your passion. Your happiness and success may just depend on it.

Don’t let your college persona determine who you will become. (Unless you really loved who you were in college.) It doesn’t matter if you were the nerd, the dumb jock, the bully or the wallflower. College is over and your new life is beginning. Now is the time for reinvention if you deem it necessary. Think Madonna—but maybe not her cone bra phase. If you were the wallflower, break out of your shell. If you were the bully, try to be nicer. The world is waiting—try to be the best person you can be.

Make good decisions. Remember, the decisions you make after college have real-life consequences. Making a mistake no longer means just being sent to the dean’s office or failing a test. This is the real world we’re talking about.

Work hard but don’t forget to play. Love yourself by learning how to balance your time and your life. Working hard is good but not to the point of burning yourself out. Life may be a race but everyone needs pit stops once in a while. Don’t forget to have fun, adults are allowed that, too.
Handle your money well. Earning your own moolah is a big thrill. And spending it is an even bigger one, especially in a world with iPods and nice shoes and well-stocked malls. But saving a little cash every payday is something you have to do. It may not be fun but the security is worth it.

Create your own adventures. You don’t want to grow up too fast. Find pleasure in the small things, seek thrills from your everyday life, create adventures out of nothing. Organization is necessary in every grownup’s life, but the occasional spontaneity will do you good.

Make a difference. Find a cause, own it and do what you can for it. The world needs you.
Stay in touch with your friends. There is something important about not forgetting the people who knew you when you still had braces, when you were obsessing over that hot senior, when you were scared to death about getting your class cards. They will keep you young. They will keep you grounded.

Don’t stop learning. Say hello to the real world. Now your real education begins.

--
This story was taken from www.inq7.net

lss number one

alice in chains - no excuses
[download]

it's alright
there comes a time
got no patience to search
for peace of mind
layin' low
want to take it slow
no more hiding or
disguising truths i've sold

everyday it's something
hits me all so cold
find me sittin' by myself
no excuses, then i know

it's okay
had a bad day
hands are bruised from
breaking rocks all day
drained and blue
i bleed for you
you think it's funny, well
you're drowning in it too

everyday it's something
hits me all so cold
find me sittin' by myself
no excuses, then i know

yeah, it's fine
we'll walk down the line
leave our rain, a cold
trade for warm sunshine
you my friend
i will defend
and if we change, well i
love you anyway

everyday it's something
hits me all so cold
find me sittin' by myself
no excuses, then i know

go fsck yourself!

I don't like emo folk. In fact, I really hate everything that emo symbolises. Just absolutely hate it. I hate everything about it. Instead of moping about your own problems, why not do something about it or move on? wtf?. A significant other leaves you? Get over it. It happens. If your parents hate you, well then, deal with it. Chances are, they don't really hate you. Did your computer break? Fix it. Overstressed? Learn how to deal with your stress. Moping and being all depressed and cutting yourself and suicide are not a healthy, productive way to deal with things, just fyi. Get into arguments with your friends? Try and work it out, or get new friends. Sitting there and complaining about things is not going to fix anything, believe it or not. Talking about things with your friends, or brainstorming strategems with them is fine, but complaining about the same things for years gets nothing accomplished. And the emo music? Lito Camo-composed songs being the worst kind of music ever made, and emo being the second worst, why would mixing them together make it any better? Why do people listen to that shit? I want to punch ever emo band ever made. I'd feel so much better. Now you're entitled to like whatever music you want, just as I'm entitled to loathe whatever music I want! Bottom line, anything emo is teh suxxorz. And if you have a problem with it? Suck. My. Balls. I really don't care. Go whine to someone else. If you want to have a conversation with me, go ahead...but if you get emo or complainy on me, I will loathe you forever. Just like now.

Training

For the past few days, I'm creating how-tos on modifying some codes on a website. My problem is that, its one of the least enjoyable tasks that I have been doing and im getting impatient on it. Documentation is not my turf, my thesis groupmates would attest to that.. I'd rather code and design than doing that. Anyway, the task is, I've got to list the steps on how I went around my coding, complete with screenshots and all, since it will be another person who will be tinkering around with the development asp scripts.

Months before, when just started working with the company, I was enjoying a newbie-like life. The project manager, which is the Director of Technology, which is the No.2 guy in the company, which is literally my boss, when giving me a new task, would give me a file complete with instructions and how-tos in getting around the task done, yes, that's right, project documentation. (presumably, it was the project manager who was doing the instructions and putting it to ms word), now its my turn to do that, in case there will be someone who will be editing the real mccoy. so, after countless trips to the kitchen to get water, im back here at my desk and feeling enlightened. ive realized that maybe this task is:

• somewhat a 'sign' that im gaining the trust of the project manager, since he's delegated some of his tasks to me.
• another addition to my resume entry, i can add this to my resume, instead of the usual, "Developed and Designed blah blah website", id be typing, "Created procedure documentation and standard code writing with blah blah website."
• a confirmation that POST, which i read somewhere, is very important. POST stands for Project according to Organizational STandards. Literally translated it means that you have to do 70% documentation and 30% coding – so, I really got a taste of the amount of documentation that i will be doing when in production.

I'm beginning to love creating documentations..

bacolod on IT map!

a google query on the words, bacolod outsourcing turned up good results. currently, there's three call centers that will expand their business here, and another one to follow. thats good, and in addition to that, the SM is currently constructing a mall at the reclamation area... hopefully there'll be more jobs here to prevent the 'migration' of college graduates to either cebu, manila, or even dubai.

a friend, has been recently featured on inq7. its Von Caberte. and if any of you have played, bookworms from yahoo games, its creator, PopCap Games employs Von for the illustrations on the games, one of which is Bonnie's Bookstore.

heard from the grapevine:
An outsourcing company is planning to set up an office at VaST's former location. There's also another manila-based company looking for home-based IT pros -- preferably Bacolod-based... as you all knew, know, or didnt know before, i used to work at VaST for about a year.. here's my 2001 pic at vast, 3:00 AM...

Birthday Realizations..

im officially 24 years old. damn.

time keeps on slipping...when you are young you never thing about time. young people have all the time in the world. i forever believe that time extends itself one hour just for kids. they can have more fun than I have to get work done. kids never have to worry about anything except running out of ideas for fun and play. on the same token, we as young adults were once like that; but as we got older things changed little by little. as time passed we gradually had a better understanding of sorts of the challenges that were before us in life. we had to learn how to do all those things that we used to rely upon somebody else to do [mother, father, yayas etc...] so here we were trying to do it ourselves. good or bad, the attempt was supposed to benefit us in some manner. to what extent, we weren't real sure.

our lives are focused on things that are supposed to help us in some way. our work is supposed to supports us or our families whatever the case might be. everything we do and say reflects on us as being a beneficial part of society. in many cases we are looked upon with high standards by family, friends, and community. we have to be able to represent whichever area at any given point in time. all of that responsibility can be hard, if not very difficult to handle by most people. the younger you are the harder is to deal with it. i guess it goes to show that with age comes wisdom. yes, the wisdom of the sages. wisdom that used to be surrounded by unimportant facts and details that as a child never was or served any importance to us. so why now? why is it so easy for us to understand? have we finally become the people that used to hold that position? have we finally come to a realization that life is best lived when you are older? i don't know; but the pieces are slowly falling into place. Seems like things you never thought about seem to happen as you age. parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc all begin to pass away. these are the people that you looked up to. these are the people that you remember as being the ones that lifted you up to the sky; played trumpo with; went to an excursion with. these are the people that were supposed to be there for you whenever you needed them. however, somewhere along the line you forgot about the the fact that everybody grows old...even you.

convergence devices sucks

Been out on the whole saturday afternoon with Ice at robs, there's this new techie boutique from Pos Marketing. My nokia 6100 phone has been dead after countless flights from my PC table to my floor, so I have been window-shopping for phones lately. We chanced upon this sleek orange sony-ericsson walkman phone on the display. mp3 phone with cam. interesting. convergence device. a do-it-all phone. but i have my ipod. my sister's gonna send me an ixus this year. sure it looks up-to-date. people at la salle's gonna stare at me when im fiddling with this gadget. but why bother?

there's been talk of it for years, now - interactive televisions, fridges with internet access, wrist watch PDAs - combining features from multiple services in one device. but the basic problem with convergence is that it is a compromise: you end up with something which does all of the things it is supposed to do, but it does them all less well than a discrete device would.

if you join together a phone, a PDA and an MP3 player you end up with something which does none of these things well: you have a thing which is too big to be a cool phone, too small to be an effective PDA, has too many buttons to be a usable MP3 player, and has too short a battery life to be used for long as any of these things.

it's like a multi-tool or pen knife with too many tools in it: the knife blade is too short to be useful, the scissors are too fiddly to cut for long, and the screwdrivers can't be used for any screw which has been screwed in properly because there's no leverage and the neck keeps bending. Yes, these tools are useful in an emergency, but for day to day use you need an actual toolkit.

the convergence devices are not intended as emergency items, but the features incorporated are just as stunted as the novelty saw in a multi-blade pen knife.

i can't help but think about those huge bloated applicatoin suites that contain more features than anyone can ever use but which run like a long swim in molasses because all of the unwanted feature code gets in the way of the stuff you actually need. my preference is for much smaller programs which plug together any way you want; they all work well on their own, and none of them get in the way of the others.

is there a way around this, to make convergence devices actually usable for all of their features?

i don't know, but until portable power and UI technologies improve to a point where a convergence device isn't just the worst features of all the things it's trying to be, I will be keeping my devices separate.

im bringing my busted unit to C2K. I will add kapatid's 2nd album into my ipod through iTunes. I will wait for the digicam package from abroad.

im keeping my PhP18,000 in the bank instead.

Rain, Beer and Sex

Ahh...no better combination to top off a rather supendous week(even if I do say so myself).

I haven't been spending as much time infront of this computer, which must mean I'm finally getting a life (god forbid).

Yes, under that veil of techie-like knowledge hides a guy who is really quite shy and abit unsure of himself. I come across quite confronting and sarcastic to some people, yet others think I'm sweet and innocent, depending on their perspective.

The truth is, I am a rebel at heart. Yes the style of music im listening to and the fighting spirit say it all.I don't mean to talk myself up at all, but yeah, I guess I'm also abit arrogant.

Just waiting for someone to pull me down a peg or two. Don't think I'll ever meet such a person though. Thought I met one about a year and a half ago, but that turned out to be a goat pellet liquifying in the rain. (incubus' beware! criminal playing in the background)

Don't get me wrong. When I say I want to meet people, I genuinely do. I mean really meet people. And I don't believe in rendezvous or affairs or dates or flings either. I'm practically one-woman-man so you can scrap that idea before it takes graphic form in your delusional little mind. I'm not some those archetype bacolod boinoys looking for abit of action on the side. Just would like to meet someone, a female, that thinks the way I do.

I would say I'm extremely happy but I'm not. Life is not an easy thing. Anyone who tells you it is has to be bullshitting. I'm sure theres more to this asthetic world than meets the eye, and that both excites and disturbs me.

Some people assume that because I do rock at programming and have an impressive web design portfolio and won the best thesis that I have it made. I kid you not, its taken me ages to get to where I am now. Hours of studying, years upon teenage years of self loathing and then finally "getting it" and working with it. Yes I'm smart. I know this. Don't bother to tell me because you're only feeding my supercharged ego.

Some people assume that because I like doing photoshop that im a "computer guy". Tsk.

Give me something that is a radically new concept. Throw it at me, and watch me struggle to embrace it.

Though I might struggle, I will enjoy the challenge.

Nevermind me. Just my subliminal backlog rambling at the moment. It craves release in some form or another. If it found it's way into my dreams I'm sure it would drive me insane. Oh, maybe thats whats happened to me. Would explain alot, I guess.

Anyway, I have said my piece. If you are a similiar person to myself, please say yours.

happy new year!

Well what do you know its another year. I'm happy that I got a chance to live this long and I thank God that I've have the things that I have. You know seeing some host on TV looking 'tow up from the flow up' because he had had that stroke. I realize that life is precious. And i just wanted to thank God that I've lived through 2005 and I'm living to 2006. I know that this is my Graduation year lol so I'm glad I getting a chance to see it. Its weird that you look on your life and you know you've been living for like it seems like a billion years but its only 23. But I look back and reflect on what I did and I don't regret it because I wouldn't be where I am today. Anyway I'm just glad to see the new year in my final days of youth (as a student). lol listen to me sounding all old. hahahahahaha anyway I'm just glad to be alive and I was just talking about college with my mom and I got to thinking that DANG this is my last days of youth and I'm going to miss it. I going to miss everybody when I do go but such is life you know. Ol' well I don't mind I've had fun in my years of glory. It's time for me to step up and be a man. Yes I said it BE A MAN for some of those who don't think I am. But yeah i have to grow up and do things that I have to be responsible for. Its a trip we all must take. And is time to take mine. Anyway just thought I ought to update. See yah!

23

I have a song by The Cure stuck in my head... *shudder*

"But it's much too late" you say
"For doing this now
We should have done it then"
Well it just goes to show
How wrong you can be
And how you really should know
That it's never too late
To get up and go...

flock testing...

this post was made through flock.

its a wonderful life

i have been so busy with school over the last few months, i hadn't really had the time to stop and appreciate everything that was going on around me.

as i am nearing the end of my undergraduate degree, hey, im gonna graduate next october!!! ive been thinking alot about the future and also success. i think that one of the keys to a bright future is to balance personal success with generosity.

i read some work by max weber the other day that struck me as odd. he wrote about how capitalism came about through the religion of protestantism. the prostestants' believed that any man who was successful was so because God had smiled down upon him.

"success is the noblest gift of heaven" - euripides

with his wealth however came a responsibility not to spend that wealth on himself, but to give it away. buying luxeries for oneself was not what God had intended when bestowing wealth upon someone. so the wealthy decided to take the money earned and give some away to others, and take the rest and invest it back into their company. this was the roots of capitalism. so capitalism was built not upon greed, but generosity. This is far from what we know capitalism to be today.

i think much can be taken from this. while i don't agree that wealth should not be spent on the person who makes it, i do think that we should balance what we spend on ourselves, and what we give to others. i think it is ok to buy yourself the things you like to make you happy. in my case, im getting a new PC this christmas for myself. people work hard for their money, and deserve the luxuries it brings. but they should also do their part in helping others, because they have been blessed with everything given to them. each of us has the responsibility to do what we can to help others. so why then are there so many people who dont?

perhaps it is because there are so many people in this world that need help from others that we get overwhelmed, and don't know where to start. however, sitting back and doing nothing only adds to the problem. i think the key is to not let it overwhelm you. as some tv host would always say, "do what you can do"

in that spirit, i decided to do something which i think fits perfectly in the holiday season. im allotting an amount for our church's future site.

no more monday blues!

i didnt attend my nstp class. instead worked on the tcs.edu.ph site. which has been finished. drew did the nice layout and i was left to do the guestbook and the alumni section of the website, which will ill be paid by bob on monday, and monday also means ill be getting my first paycheck from my aussie job. monday also means that it will be the start of my gym sessions. monday will be the deadline of my IME2 project which almost cost me my job at biko. i did the project on my office hours and boss was left questioning me as to why my work was delayed at day. lols.

monday.
lunes.
20k richer.

the ballpen

I learned a little lesson from a ballpen while riding a jeep.

No, I didn’t get enlightened by my notes, I don’t keep one, or of some doodles from a fellow passenger on the way to school.

I was on a jeep en route to school one Thursday afternoon. As the jeep sped along Talisay going to Bacolod, I realized that I would be reaching La Salle in more or less 20 minutes. So I decided to check my belongings: cellphone, ID, etc…

But just when I thought I put the ID back to my pocket, the pen dropped to the floor.

This is where the fun begins.

First it rolled towards the feet of the man seated in front of me. Tried reaching for it without disturbing the other passenger but inasmuch as my arm was long and skinny, the pen kept rolling away from my reach. Obviously the fact that the jeep was moving didn’t make my life any easier.

I squatted and stretched but to no avail.

Chest heaving from the exertion and getting increasingly irritated, I finally got the guts to inform the conductor in front of me of my dilemma. He bent over and tried to locate the item but alas, the thing rolled further towards the seats nearing the front of the bus.

I crashed back into my seat groaning inwardly at the absurdity of it all. Frustration welling up inside me, I started to think that heck, it’s just a P20 ballpen, give it up. Sure, it may be my only piece of pen but then I could buy myself another one if I wanted to. Why all the fuss? Forget it. Don’t let your day be spoiled on the account of a singular thing.

Breathing deeply, I was clearing my mind and convincing myself that giving up that friggin’ Pilot ballpen for lost was the right thing to do. Even tried to think of when I’d be able to replace the thing.

Then practicality (that thing costs almost 20 bucks. 20 bucks could buy me an instant coffee and 4 sticks of Marlboro Lights), sentimentality (Hey, I’ve been using this for more than a month now!), and I don’t know what else hit me. You could still look for it you know—if you really wanted to. If you think it’s worth anything to you, you’d try to find it. Dear God. An attack of conscience over a ballpen..

So there I was again, dunking my head, peering under seats. Thank God for this sleppy Thursday afternoon commuting—not too many passengers were onboard. Ignoring the funny looks borne out of my seat switching, I made my way to the seats on the second row shy of the frontseat of the Cebro jeep. I figured that since the ballpen was heading in that direction, I might as well overtake it and intercept it.

I looked beneath the seat to see the feet of a couple seated a few rows back, a few candy wrappers here, some cigarette butts there and more floor space. What I could no longer see was a small, black pen.

It was gone.

Straightening up, I sank back into my seat and sighed. The loss of the object finally dawned upon me, and regret started to seep into my consciousness. Perhaps if I didn’t give up too soon, I might’ve stood a chance in finding it. Even the thought of buying a new one didn’t make me feel any better. I don’t have enough time for that because I’m late for a major subject class.

Oh well.

We were now on the highway along Robinson’s Place and fast approaching North Drive. Breathing deeply, I cleared my mind and convinced myself that there was nothing else I can do. It was worth the effort but it was too late. It may have been a singular material thing but it served me well and it will be missed.

The vehicle came to a stop at San Agustin and a few people got off. My stop was next. As I prepared my things, the couple seated a few seats behind me moved to alight the vehicle as well. I watched them go past me and out the stairs. Then a thought struck me. In a burst of inspiration I got up and quickly walked towards the back of the bus till I got to the seat the couple recently vacated. Then I looked down.

There on the floor of the bus was my pen.

----

Sometimes in frustration, we can walk away from something good—not realizing how much it really means to us. We take some things for granted, thinking that we won’t miss them if we lose them, thinking that they’re replaceable. Dispensable.

But then we do lose them and realize how wrong we were.

I could’ve let that thing go if I wanted to. In fact I already decided to do so… to simply get down from the bus and not look back.

But then I realized that I couldn’t just give up without a proverbial fight and so I put up one last search.

It happens that sometimes when we’re on the verge of losing something, we make a final effort to save or salvage whatever we can. Of course, we could either succeed or fail in doing so.

At times, we can’t help but wonder if our success relies on how hard we work at it or whether or not fate, destiny, or if God would deem it so.

All I know is, I’d rather give it one last shot. To fight for it and hopefully win or die trying… rather than just let it go, knowing full well that I could’ve done something.

Who’d have thought I’d learn so much from an encounter with an inanimate object?

Life can be the weirdest but funniest teacher sometimes.

cool illusion!!

If your eyes follow the movement of the rotating pink dot, you will only see one color, pink. If you stare at the black + in the center, the moving dot turns to green. Now, concentrate on the black + in the center of the picture. After a short period of time, all the pink dots will slowly disappear, and you will only see a green dot rotating if you're lucky! It's amazing how our brain works. There really is no green dot, and the pink ones really don't disappear. This should be proof enough, we don't always see what we think we see.

eat your greens!

So...

Last Friday...I never did actually go to bed.

Instead I lay down and slept a couple of times, sleeping more than enough, just not in that I-went-to-bed-and-got-a-good-night's-sleep kind of way. I'm not sure why, really, I did that. Sometimes I just like to time travel, prolonging or skipping a day or the like. I dont know what happened after the Cafe Bobs incident.

Saturday...I had a couple of weird dreams. In one, I met Karl Roy, kapatid's vocalist, btw, their upcoming second album will be out soon, its called 'Luha'.. second assault on your sonic senses.., so continue to the dream, we were back stage, they have this concert kuno at la salle covered court..,and there we were, making small talk and i asked him if he have some kapatid shirts for sale with him, he just sort of smirked towards me and handed me a bunch of buddha beads and proceeded to remove the buddha beads from his arms ( those beads were given to him by cynthia alexander).. and moments later, went back to the stage to continue their gig and left me dumbfounded.

In another dream I was in high school again and totally berated a teacher of mine for some reason I can't recall now. Also the class was being held in my back yard. It was a teacher I really didn't get along with all that well in real life, but man, I'm not sure why my dreams want me to be yelling at her now!

Other than this, between last night and today I've managed to procure some DVD... the notebook, cinderella story and i am sam.. had watched the first two movies when they were shown at robs. just watched it for 'reminiscing sake'. and the i am sam is one cool movie.... made me cry....on to next..

I mean, continue! Because I've already started. It's all attitude.

Apart from this, I don't guess there's anything much to report. I very much need to go find some food, now, its 11:09 pm, and I'm hoping the second part (which on the audio CD is actually the first part) of the norah jones album that ive sent to my boss finishes uploading soon; not because it's a bother, but so I'll know that it's really gone through successfully.

I miss someone a lot. I'm not going to say more, and I'm going to try to refrain from saying this much most days. That won't make it less true, but I know that I do need to try not to be...er, effusive about expressing it too much here. And so try I shall: I'm going to resolve not to say it in tomorrow's entry here.

All in all, lots of good thoughts and not one bad one; and yes, I say that in all candor. Well, I do feel I went a little overboard castigating my former teacher in that one dream... But in all fairness to me, she was kind of a bitch.

...Well. Maybe "regret" is, um, a strong word.

(Crazy island place and its unnatural condiments! Plus everyone knows florets aren't noodles. Seriously, wth?!)

:D

Ok ok ok, gonna eat now. Then...bed? Man, my sleep is so messed up right now...and so is my life! better check out my status at friendster if you know what i mean..

Hey! The upload just finished as this entry did. Howsaboutthat?

if you want to know yourself, try solitude

i just realized that living a life of seclusion is also good, but just not the extremes, you can discover lots of stuff about yourself when you withdraw yourself from other people. there'd be no judgements, influences and whatever.

and you could do so much stuff that you can't do when your with people who'll nag you about it. kinda bummed that i can't find a something to download. ive been waiting for incubus' alive at red rocks on azureus since this afternoon to finish its downloading. its 1.36GB, and 8 hours left to 100%.

the reason is that im currently into may 'new' thing right now, the solitude part, stupid, is that she went to manila for her vacation and ive got this cool webdev job and im working at home! its four hours a day and its more than enough to pay bills. -- which is a good thing because going to bacolod is like a 'much-anticipated' event. lol. which reminds me i have to go there tomorrow for the required caffeine overload session with friends.

oh please comment. hehe at least ive got to know there's some bloke whose actually reading my blog.

long live crass commericalism!!

stumbled this upon my school's website. maybe this is the institution's response to those students who are fond of making cuts to their tuition payment, i wouldnt deny, i once did that too, much to the wrath of my mother.. but the whole point is this, why does la salle have to include the logo of globe g-cash prominently? and actually make a banner ad for that? why not have an alternative for smart users? (by the way, i use a globe sim). and why doest la salle develop a home-brewed sms-based payment system rather than rely on these marketing ploys by telecom companies? and also, lasalle has smart's wireless laboratory man, but why globe? maybe since globe is more elite than smart (pang masa ang smart eh). that's why they opted to use globe g-cash? basta this looks ugly on the website, its unconciously saying that education in la salle is becoming more and more of a negosyo. and man, i doubt if globe g-cash is pays la salle for the banner ad in the website.

read on! spent 2 hours writing this one!

After night swimming with friends, spent the most of last night with a pile of DVDs and the computer.

Insert. Play. Skip. Eject.

Basically repeated this for about 10 DVDs...I know - that's nothing compared to what most people have but it WAS a tiresome effort at the most. I was checking through my entire DVD collection to see which ones I could play on the computer (using VLC) and I found out that all the "copies" could play...whilst all the "reals" COULDN'T......grr....annoying but thankfully I have very few "reals" besides my-much-loved-boxsets. Hmph! I get this message:

TheTV Out port of your display card is not working properly.

Maybe I'm technically challenged but I don't understand what that means...is it just that the DVDs won't play? Or am I doing something wrong? I tried googling the message which came up with suggestions on how to fix it....that I pretty much didn't understand besides the word FORMAT which kinda freaked me out... VLC supposed to be the most advanced player -- any format could be played through this player.

Besides that I'm pretty happy...So I installed PowerDVD... and I finally downloaded a DVD ripper so I can start ripping clips off the movies I have...starting to develop and interest in vidding. And I worked out that there's a Capture function on PowerDVD (ha...I'm slow) so I'll soon be screencapturing like crazy from now on.

I'm starting to feel really restless at home. I haven't opened up Photoshop since my IME graphics project was due back in early September (except that certain thesis design for a friend). It's been like a WHOLE MONTH...hopefully I haven't forgotten how to 'wield' the application over this time. But I guess I just don't feel like conjuring up graphics much these days....time consuming and feeling unchallenged/uninterested. And I guess there's also that certain fear whenever I draw...that my graphics will turn out looking like complete crap - which is discouraging. So I'm dealing by avoiding it right now. Plus photoshop and vidding has taken up a lot of my time recently....but I PROMISE I'll do some wallpapers soon. Absolutely! Just gotta find SOMETHING to draw first...

Can't wait til the end of the year - this TIME, my issues will hopefully be eliminated. I have a list of things I will do after the 2005 when I'll hopefully finally have the time for:

- Draw a ton of portraits (fanart and people I know)....maybe a self portrait one day.

- Learn to play the guitar again...so those 5 years of lessons will not go to waste.

- Still have a job. Ill be starting a graphics job from biko technologies tomorrow. 4hours/day.

- Dedicate more time to my much neglected sites...in need of major revampage.

- Download more DivX movies.

- Get a sport.

I've been blogging for about 3 months now. On and Off.

I'm starting to wonder - do people actually read over the old entries of their journals/blogs? Or is the purpose of the journal just to write down your thoughts - to vent...not really to store memories or anything? Do I read over old entries? No...not purposely - sometimes I'll go back to look for something and I'll start reading because something catches my eye. But other than that - the past is pretty much the past for me. Maybe one day when I'm old and nostalgic - I'll actually read over everything I've read....

I never thought having a journal (even an online public one) would be so theraputic. It's surprising - how much of a relief just writing stuff down can be...helps me think about things and laugh about others. Things that are upsetting or sad that I write about - I can just type away for an hour or so....and then DELETE it. Then it's "gone" in a certain sense. Exorcism!

Does having it public make me hold back? Yes. Usually I can vague it up quite a bit and talk about it in a universal sense. I have to say my entries are usually upbeat and happy. There's a few entries which are stressed and VERY few where I am just downright depressed. I have to say though - sometimes writing about sad things just makes you sadder! It's not like they say - that when you talk to others about your problems, you'll feel better. That's not true in all situations...sometimes things are better left buried away in your subconscious - because it's when you start writing/talking about it that you start to THINK about it - start to OVERANALYZE everything about it...which basically makes you even more sad/worried than you were before.

In that case all I can say is: Let's dig a hole, bury it deep back inside and just MOVE ON.

I wonder how long all of this will last. Maybe one day the Internet [or blogger.com and google.com's clustered servers in particular] will just crash and everything will be lost. All these entries will be deleted. Or maybe one day I'll just stop updating...and this will be forgotten like the millions of deserted sites/blogs out there. I wonder how many of those deserted blogs were just forgotten...and how many of those, the writers have actually died. I know this is getting morbid but it's really making me wonder. I mean - how long has blogging been around? Of those deserted blogs floating around in space....how many are the last thoughts of the person?

It's like finding someone's journal where they're writing about the greatest thing and then suddenly you turn the page and there's NOTHING.

What happened? Why did they stop writing? These are the things which claw away at our curiousity. And will anyone ever know? If the story ended RIGHT here, RIGHT now....would you wonder? Would you care? Or would this just be another forgotten, deserted part of the world? You'll just ASSUME I lost interest in blogging...that I gave up and went onto something else, new and shiny.

I don't care.

I need some closure. If this ever dies - trust me, I'll TELL you. I'll write in size 72 font: THIS BLOG IS CLOSED. There will be no vague hiatus or BRBs that last over two years. It will be a farewell that pretty much says - thanks for the times but I'm leaving and so should you.

Of couse, in the event of an unexpected death - I give permission for someone to hack into my account and just write one closing post: THIS BLOGGER IS DEAD. FAREWELL. Then this blog can rest in peace.